Evening with a famous ventriloquist
By The master of the east pavilion
Kuo Mao-erh (Kitty) was a noted ventriloquist of Yang Chow, while his son was famous as an actor. Both were favorites with the rich families of that city, whom they entertained from time to time.
I happened to visit Yang chow in the year of Keng Shen. One night a friend brought Kitty to my place. We had dinner together, and drank till quite late. When the meal ended, Kitty got up and offered to amuse us with his art. He set up a screen to the right of the dinning table, sitting behind it in semi-darkness, while we quietly listened.
For a while there was no sound, then we heard two men meeting on the road, and greeting each other volubly. The voices were those of an old and of a young man, the former inviting the latter to his house, where they commenced to drink and talk freely. Soon the young man protested that he was drunk, but his host insisted on having a few more cups, after which the guest departed rather unsteady on his feet. At the door they again exchanged confused greetings and expressions of thanks, and the young fellow left, the host noisily closed the door.
The young man started on his way home, one could hear his retreating footsteps for quite a distance. Suddenly he fell unconscious on the road. Someone, also walking in the darkness, stepped on him, then raised him to his feet. The two found that they knew each other. The newcomer assisted his friend in walking along. Finding the barrier to the street closed, they yelled for the watchman to open the gate. A dog commenced to bark, followed by many others, some old, some young; some near, some far away. One could distinctly distinguish them by their yelping.
Finally, the watchman appeared and let them through. They arrived at a door and knocked, but discovered that it was a wrong house, as the inmate, a man (whose dialect told that he was from Kiangsi) swore at them for disturbing him. Other dogs awakened commenced to bark. In the end they found the young mans home. The wife came to open the door, and the good Samaritan departed, after giving plentiful advice to his drunken friend.
Now the wife commenced to play an important role. She put her husband to bed, and when he demanded a drink of tea, she had to prepare it for him. However, when she returned from the kitchen, he was already sound sleep and snoring with the sound of rumbling thunder. The wife was much annoyed and grumbled interminably against him, for having put her to all the trouble for nothing. She also went to bed, and soon the two were competing against each other in loud snoring.
After midnight a cow began to low. The man woke up and vomited copiously, again demanding tea and muttering in a dreamy way. As no one responded, he dropped into slumber again. The wife, however, got up and started to put on her shoes, but found them terribly soiled by her husband, whereupon she swore at him in her again, and look for clean shoes.
By that time the cocks were crowing, each in a different note, as was the case with the barking dogs.
Not long after, the father of the man called for him. It is almost dawn time to kill the pig, he shouted.
We knew then that the father and son were butchers.
The son got up and went to the sty to feed the pigs, and we heard them fighting for the food and the sound of devouring and gulping. In the meantime the father got busy preparing hot water, and there was the sound of fetching and pouring of water, the lighting of the fire and so on. The son started to tie up a pig, which created a tremendous noise in protest, and one heard the grinding of knife, the killing, the oozing of blood, and the cutting up and cleansing of the animal in all detail.
It is dawn, then cried the father. The sale can commence.
Then we heard the pork being placed on the counter, the buyers coming and counting their money, and the demands for various parts of the pig, some asking for the head, others for the internal organs, and still others simply pork. Just when the noises and voices were most confused and at their loudest, there fell absolute silence.
Kitty Kuos skit behind the screen was ended.
